Beyond Judgement

Its been several weeks since my last share in this space. I was needing time to recalibrate to something that I am still not quite sure what it was. I do know that I feel renewed in my own way.

There have been many things reflected upon but the one that comes up today is about Judgement.

In our world Judgement is mixed term, one we can praised for by having good judgement and another for being judgemental. We avoid being “judgy” but try to be a good judge of character. In an attempt at being moral we will say “who am I to judge?” but then if things go wrong we may seriously question our judgement of the situation.

So what do we do with judgement? Is it always wrong? Is it helpful?

I tuned in this morning to see what guidance was available as my own mind has been looking for things to judge. I grew up in a household that expressed non-judgement and kindness as a practice but many judgemental words were spoken. I can see my own auto pilot when I am tired or frustrated looking for a flaw to pick apart. It is the habit I witnessed and it shows up when I am less mindful, even though I know, in my heart, I don’t feel its truth.

And on the other side in attempt at being open and accepting I have had times in my life were relationship dynamics truly were not healthy all because I didn’t want to judge another. I accepted conditions that may have not been is service to my own wellbeing.

At it’s most basic judgement is an evaluation of something as either preferred or not preferred based on whatever standards we are holding. In a survival setting this can be very useful. This plant is poisonous or not, this situation is dangerous or not. We can return to ease when we assess whether flight or fight is no longer necessary.

But in our modern world, living in a state of survival is a habit more than it is regularly needed. But as we stay there, we turn our judgement to character and spiritual merit. This is where it becomes more harm than good. In order to protect oursleves from discomfort or emotional pain we create stories about the right and wrong of others as well as situation. But this both isolates us and condemns us, as there is so much of us reflected in others. This way of being keeps us in a mindset where there is a good or bad way to be, one worthy of the goodness of life and one not. This will hold us, more than anyone, in a state of disallowing our own good because of the belief that it is certain conditions in which make us worthy of it.

When we drop the practice of judgement we can open to a deeper state of love and also the freedom to exist as you are.

Now what about the risks of being so open, are we to say yes to everything?

No. We are to use discernment. And while this is an argument of semantics to some degree, separating from a much more loaded term to one of more neutrality is helpful (this may not be true for you, so feel free to find another one). Also, we are not discerning based on values or righteousness but on whether something is a yes or a no to us. This should be based on whether you feel uplifted and drawn to a situation as well as that you feel its in line with who and want you want to be in life.

Discernment is for decisions about our own lives. It should be as simple as; “that is not for me, thank you for the offer”. It’s merely a declining to give your energy to where your alignment does not flow.

In our world we often feel that to decline engaging in something requires a deep assessment and in order to transfer our guilt of disappointing another we go to the extent of creating a compelling judgement against them. I’m here to let you off the hook. It’s okay to say '“that is not for me at this time, I wish you so well” and mean it. Their disappointment, although a consideration initially, is not yours to solve. How we impact another can be considered but it can not trump what is truly right internally. And once that is set, leave them to their own experience.

Now there are times where we might experience something we arent sure how to feel about so we attempt to break it down and decide if we would behave in a similar manner as someone else is. You can use people as a learning tool as long as you know that you aren’t them so your assessment is merely for your clarity, and you can not know why someone is the way they are at least not from your judging mind.

If we can let go of “goodness and badness” we can come in to the useful guidance of aligned and not aligned for me. This will free you from needing to live under the fear of your own imperfections and of some higher judgement.

In all of my readings nobody ever came from the other side to condemn, but they do offer guidance.

As a sensitive person, I can often feel conflicted energies in others and my mind wants to work it out. But it usually isn’t my place, and if it is I need only ask for the higher information. There is no wrong but there is ease and flow versus constriction and struggle.

What if you don’t have a yes or a no? Then You have another answer, a '“you don’t need to know right now.”

So if you find yourself trying to assess the world around with judgement, I invite you to come back and remind yourself of your safety and then ask the question, what is in flow for me, what do I want to create and what matches that? Your inner guide will get you there somehow.

You can free yourself from the constriction of moral assessment and just say, no thank you then come back to your lane. Bring your energy to what you want to create not building moral arguments against what you don’t.

And know that we all do this. It’s our primal brain looking for a job. Don’t judge yourself for it. Just start again and bring that part of your brain to making present moment choices of how you want to be in your day.

May this find you well,

Avery