Craving Depth In a Surface World

In the last few weeks a familiar yearning has emerged in my world. I feel it as an ache that calls me to search. I am searching for something harder to find in our modern world. I am searching for depth, for beauty, for meaning.

As someone who lives a spiritual life and gets to commune with spirits, Im sure it feels silly for me to act like there is no depth in my life. And it would be silly for me to say that. I am very fortunate to live a life surrounded by meaning.

But still there is a deeper yearning. One that seems to be here to crack the surface of my mundane reality even deeper.

Let me give you some back story. This feeling often surfaces when my life has gotten too safe, its a siren call to seek out great beauty and mystery in my life. Last Sunday, I went to a church to see if my thirst could be quenched. This was an open minded church who’s views resonate with my own. It was sweet and comfortable, some modern music played well and a relatable sermon. But none of it pushed me past my known world. This is often the feeling I have, I find that if you are seeking spiritual comfort you can easily find it. But if your seeking the vastness and greatness of the divine, its much harder to find.

Our lives are centered around ease and modern conveniences, all things I appreciate, but in that we are often removed from experiences that create depth.

I know from my meditations and my work that their is magic everywhere but I also know that in the glow of blue screen light, it can be a challenge to truly see magic’s numinous presence.

Our minds are often not in the place for awe.

I was listening to an old video on youtube of the late great John O’Donohue an Irish mystic and author of some of my favorite books. In this segment he was talking about how boring God has been made out to be. And he said we need to make God dangerous again. This is coupled with his discussion on how our landscapes and surroundings are being stripped of wild beauty and made in to dull lackluster places creating no scope for the mind and the heart and impoverishing us, truly stirred something within me.

I don’t believe he meant to bring back a God of cruelty and Biblical floods, I believe he meant that we need to believe in a Divine being that still takes our breath away. A dangerous God.

Nature contains so many moment of awe in its grandeur but it is hard to remember that in traffic or the fluorescent lit grocery store. Imagine the feeling of walking in to the redwood forest, the ancient giants looking down upon you with trunks wider than your height and tops seemingly touching the heavens. You feel awe.

We see so few sunsets and pause, we miss the nights of stargazing with wonder.

In this talk I mentioned earlier, the word Sublime was used. It struck me, when was the last time I used the word sublime to describe anything. If I did, it was a minimized version of it used to describe something unworthy of its description.

Where does the Sublime live and why is it so shy?

Our lives with its busyness, constant dopamine hits, over saturated information platforms and chronic overstimulation, make it hard for the mind to perceive true beauty.

We must stop and tune in to the pace of the moment around us to even begin to realize we are longing for something.

And although longing gets a bad wrap, when we yearn for the divine it does not go unnoticed. It is our souls true state outside of the realization of the sublime.

As time goes on I am becoming more and more aware that all our actions, dreams and desires area attempts at seeking God whether we know it or not. We are looking for the divine. Searching in romance and work fulfillment only to blame when it doesn’t satisfy.

And all our manifestations satisfy a small aspect of that desire but not fully. Remember though, God lives in all things. The sublime moments are a part of every manifestation if we let it in.

If you are craving depth, its time let your self truly desire it, let it burn through you for a moment. This is a big ask. And its widening your hope in order to create a vessel to receive. But know that you will also have to step out of your comfort zone and take an adventure in to great beauty to find it.

It can find you but our lives can often distract us. So take a moment and think how can I change my environment for enough time to find myself again? And then, as myself, how can I step in to a place where I am capable of awe?

Stop the routine conversations with loved ones and ask a bigger questions. Say to them if your life was stripped of everything you currently have and you had to create from a fresh canvas what would you paint? Ask them on their deathbed what moments will they hold on to?

Dont only exercise to be healthy, dance like you are a masterpiece. Dont only eat to fill a need, taste the nectar of this life.

Walk in the grand forests. See the beautiful lakes and when you cant, find the dandelions in the sidewalk and celebrate them.

We cant force depth but we can pry ourselves open enough to facilitate its possibility.

Most days a life of ease and peace is all we need but some days we need the Sublime and we going to have to push ourselves to be greater than our current version to find it.

This is why weekly modern church doesnt hold it. It lacks the great cathedrals, haunting choirs, and the cloisterd mystics explanation of God to truly bring us to our knees or at least tears down our face. (or some other variations of this, ie the tribal dance by open flames, the serenity of a Buddist monastery in seclusion)

It is a beautiful thing to have the comforting presence of your spiritual path. It is amazing to feel safe, secure and loved but if we entirely forsake the vast mystery and bigness of the Universe we will always feel a little bit numb.

Maybe you feel this too. Maybe you feel like your seeking but don’t know what for. And if this resonated I encourage you, to find a time to get on your own, go somewhere new and beautiful, spend time there, pray and yearn to know the divine in more fullness. And then wait. Even if you leave and dont know if anything has occured, expect for it to find you when your ready to receive it.

Take time for adventures of the heart. Don’t do only what you know how, step in to something daring and look for the Sublime.

Meditate past your boredom, hip pain and time limit. Climb a bigger mountain. Jump in to the cold river and swim. Lay out under the stars without your phone until you remember what it is to dream. And then do it again.

The world is more mysterious and magical than our known world lets on. Go be enchanted by it.

Remember if you crave depth, you must carve out a deeper hole of desire within you to receive it. You must be deeper.

With a heart of yearning,

Avery