Letting Go of Your Past Self

I did something I “shouldn’t” have…

I carried around death with me. I carried it on the floor board behind the driver’s seat of my car. It needed to be buried but I dragged it with me.

As ominous as this seems, luckily this “corpse” was energetic and took the form of all my old journals.

Three months ago, I was in preparation for my move to Austin. In this time before actual packing, I got the hit to do a clean out and at the same time read a book titled “It’s not your money.” by Tosha Silver. This book, which is based on surrendering your resources (money included) to the divine, directed me to do a clean out as well and to release whatever I felt intuitively led to let go of.

As I was already doing this it seemed I was getting a stronger message to let things go. I have cleaned house in many different forms over the years, so, much of my things had already been released. But one thing that always moved with me is my piles of journals.

I started journaling 8 years ago at the prompt of Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” but in addition to that women in my family have been journaling since at least the 1800’s. Probably many women in my family did before that but it was my ancestor Mary who published a memoir of being an early settler in 1880. This she wrote from her journal and since then many women in that line journal too in her memory.

I have kept mine all these years because my mother kept hers and because what if I need to write a memoir? There were some deeply profound moments written in there, mystical and magical discoveries written in the real time unfolding. There was also a lot of emotional upset and processing but in these pages was the essence of who I was.

So as I opened the trunk to clear it out and see what I should release, I thought “what about the journals?” “Does the divine want me to release these as well?” I set them aside for the time. When I went back to reading later that day, I divinely got to a section about what to do with journals. The author ,too, had the same sentiment as I; maybe she needed them. But her conclusion was mine. I needed to let them go. She didn’t suggest everyone do this (nor am I) but when you get the message, you must do it.

So obviously, I went straight ahead and burned them in ceremonial fire and howled at the moon with freedom…okay just kidding. Y’all read the first lines of the email so clearly, I knew what I needed to do and didn’t do it. I figured I would find a better time and way to release them and I put them behind the seat of my car and stored them there for months.

I moved to a new city and a new start with my past literally sitting right behind me everywhere I went. (Poetic isn’t it?) I just couldn’t let go of them. I couldn’t let go of her. Me. All of my past selves and dreams.

It felt like a betrayal to leaver her behind. While this may seem odd, because I was very much right there, the person, the beliefs, the identity, the dreams (oh the dreams!) were no longer there. The young women who wanted to homestead, who was going to be home all day baking bread and making everything from scratch, the yogi, the girlfriend of one and another, the lover, the newly awakened spiritual seeker… she just isn’t who I am anymore.

But she worked so hard and learned so much, and it feels like dropping the ways she did things and the beliefs she clung to and the life she wanted to create would be a disservice to her, to my work , to the life I had before. She wasn’t some shadow self who caused harm and darkness to others that you easily want to bury. No, she was filled with hopes and dreams and ideas and plans.

But many of those things I really am not called to anymore. And I have been actively working to change the habits and thought patterns of my former self so I really did need to let her go. And by the time old emotions and themes started to come out of the blue, I knew its because I was attached to her and carrying her frequency with me.

So after I had multiple client sessions on this theme and regularly had insights that I really needed to get rid of them, I finally set my mind to it.

What about the future possible memoir? Well, it came to me, I am not meant to write about who I was, I am meant to write about becoming and any stories from the past that support that narrative will come to me in memory in the way they need to be told.

So I let them go. I unceremoniously recycled them in a big bin in my apartment garage. You would have thought I might have more pizazz but when it really matters real and subtle always suit me best. (Showmanship and flair are my play, but simplicity and intentionality are my core).

Now, nothing crazy happened, heavens did not open at this moment. I placed them in the bin, standing there for longer than I thought I would and walked away. This is my offering to the me I am becoming.

I wont do anything out of attachment to who I once was.

Because the greatest dream and creation of my former self is me.

It’s who and how I am today. Anything that I dreamed of externally was only meant to lead me on a journey to who and how I am now. I am the vessel and my manifestations are carving me.

I am the greatest dream of my former self.

My duty and focus are to my own becoming. That is who I am, the ever expanding self. But my respect goes to the person I was. I honor her by moving forward.

So, to you. Do you have items that you keep that tie you to the past? Do you have old aspects of self to get rid of?

I will give you a tip. The letting go is moment to moment; Am I giving in to the stories and limits of my past or am I open to the mysteries of my future? Your breath, your body and your emotions will reveal the answer to you.

You do have a choice to soothe and set aside the past to create space (physical and spiritual) for who you are to become. You do have a choice to embody the unknown.

And if you do, things may shift in the most divinely unexpected ways.

Id love to hear what items and old iterations of self you need to let go of. And if you or a friend need help moving forward and finding clarity you can go to my website and book a session with me to see what spiritual clarity awaits you.

-Avery